Fantasy is an important part of sexual life. When fantasy is positive and pleasing it can add something to a person's life.

Fantasy can be a substitute for sex which involves physical contact; it can lead to sex; or it can bring extra pleasure to your sex life. Fantasy can be a very private way of enjoying thoughts which we are not able or would not wish to act out in reality.

Most people fantasize when they masturbate, and many do so when they are having sex with a partner. This can create problems for some people because they feel that they are somehow betraying their partner and feel guilty about this. There are also situations when people feel guilty about what their fantasies are. However, the fact that people have fantasies does not mean that they will act them out. It is important to remember that fantasies are NOT reality -- they are fantasy, and can be a helpful part of your sex life.

You and your partner can play games with your fantasies, if you are not too embarrassed to share them.

• You could each make a list of your fantasies and discover which ones please you both.
• You could write a sexy story for yourself and your partner.

There are other games you can play to find out new ways of pleasing each other:

• Consider telling each other all the different turn on's or exotic things you can think of.
• Thinking of these in terms of safer sex could give you some new and exciting ideas.
• You might take turns experimenting with acceptable and safe ideas from each other's lists.
• You might think about all the ways you can have an orgasm without cuming inside your partner.
• If you have telephone extensions, use them to talk to each other about what kind of sex you like, or try writing sexy letters to each other.
• Try playing forfeits, strip poker...

Such personal sharing needs to be done in a caring and sensitive way.